Psycho? PMS? or Mental illness?...YOU DECIDE

I have often wondered over the years, before we (society/doctors) knew what PMS was - what did they do with the women? Did they throw us in the looney bin (pardon the phrase) or what?

As many ladies and gents that I know - I too have been on the Prozac Trip before... and it made me feel worse! So for the longest time now I have trained myself to feel these waves of depression and irratic behavior coming on - and do whatever I needed to do to get through this "spell" that I was having. I learned that I could face it without meds (well, maybe a glass of wine or 2) and go read, or walk or do something to clear my head and gain back control over my emotions and thoughts... two things that become linked as one when I am feeling this way.

Still there is something else that I can't seem to shake...it's always there hanging over me like a shadow that I choose to ignore - it's that notion that my life is in limbo (or falling downward) and it's not changing anytime soon. I know so many women my age who feel the same way. We see the bad in our lives as though through a magnifying glass - and the good has to be pieced together and sought out. We feel like we wake up and have the same damn day - everyday. Before we know it we'll be in our 50's - and who or what will be there after we have spent the past 20 -30 years just trying to make it through each day with ourselves and our families all in one piece.

Isn't 30 something too young to be having a mid-life crisis? Maybe not if I had to say 30 something instead of my real age. I mean I am fucking tired of feeling depressed or anxious (or both) everyday. Wondering about personal, financial, and career directions is consuming me - paralyzed in fear, anger, and sadness... I do the minimum to muttle through. I sleep A LOT. I escape into books, or movies, or games. So, is my problem the fact that I don't get off my whiney ass and do anything about any of this? What about the things that I don't or can't control - that effect me and how I feel???

Hey ...Pssst ... Emotions and Hormones.... FUCK YOU! I look at these women that have it all together, and I feel 10 times worse that I can't just seem to take care of myself and my family. I know what is important - I really do. What you leave behind in this world - what you've done for others - how you have treated others.... that's why I can't stand to waste another day feeling sad and defeated by 9AM!!! I don't want to waste the rest of my 30's and 40's being sad and trapped.

God I need Dr. Phil - anyone got his number?
Maybe diving head first back into my Bible wouldn't be a bad idea either.
~KW